Chemistry jokes, humor, and cartoons from Jupiter Scientific; Links to science jokes, physics jokes, astronomy jokes, and biology jokes. 
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Chemistry Jokes

If you didn't get the joke, you probably didn't understand the science behind it. If this is the case, it's a chance for you to learn a little chemistry.

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Chemistry Joke 1:
Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, "I'm positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them."
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 2:
A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 3:
One day on the Tonight Show, Jay Leno showed a classified add that read: "Do you have mole problems? If so, call Avogadro at 602-1023."
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 4:
A student comes into his lab class right at the end of the hour. Fearing he'll get an "F", he asks a fellow student what she's been doing. "We've been observing water under the microscope. We're suppose to write up what we see." The page of her notebook is filled with little figures resembling circles and ellipses with hair on them. The panic-stricken student hears the bell go off, opens his notebook and writes, "During this laboratory, I examined water under the microscope and I saw twice as many H's as O's."
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 5:
Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam?
A: Fear of utility bills.
See explanation

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Chemistry Joke 6:
The Official Unabashed Scientific Dictionary defines cation as a positively charged kitten.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 7:
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel:
         Fe - Fe
        /       \
       Fe       Fe
        \       /
         Fe - Fe
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 8:
Q: What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule?

       PhD    PhD
         \    /
         C - C 
        /      \ 
       C        C
        \      /
         C - C
A: Orthodox
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 9:
If you succeeding in guessing the answer to the previous joke, then you figure out this one:
Q: What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule?

         C - C    4
        /      \ /
       C        C
        \      /
         C - C
A: Metaphor
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 10:
Q: What is the name of the molecule bunny-O-bunny?
A: An ether bunny
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 11:
Q: If H-two-O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H-two-O-CUBED
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 12:
Q: What is the chemical symbol for diarrhea?
A: (CO(NH2)2)2
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 13:
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 14:
Q: What is the chemical formula for candy?
A: Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 15:
Here is a historical note: In the 1980's, in an effort to increase public awareness about the importance of chemistry, the American Chemical Society posted billboards with a picture of C6H10 and the title, "It takes alkynes to make a world."
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 16:
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A. First you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 17:
Q: What is the name of the molecule CH2O?
A: Seawater
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 18:
Q: What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
A: CoRnY.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 19:
Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?
A: A mole of molasses.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 20:
Q: What does a teary-eyed, joyful Santa say about chemistry?
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 21:
Susan was in chemistry. Susan is no more, for what she thought was H2O was H2SO4.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 22:
Q: Why is potassium a racist element?
A: Because, when you put three of them together, you get KKK.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 23:
An electron sitting in a prison asked a second electron cellmate, "What are you in for?" To which the latter replied, "For attempting a forbidden transition."
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 24:
Q: What is the dullest element?
A: Bohrium
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 25:
At the end of the semester, a 10th-grade chemistry teacher asked her students what was the most important thing that they learned in lab. A student promptly raised his hand and said, "Never lick the spoon."

Chemistry Joke 26:
This is no joke but a call to *BAN* dihydrogen monoxide, otherwise know as the invisible, killer substance. Jupiter Scientific's science joke webpage is probably not the place to post this protest, but the JS staff feels very strongly about this issue. For your information, dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO in its liquid form, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes tissue damage and contact with its gaseous form causes burns. DHMO use is widespread. For those who have become dependent on it, DHMO withdrawal means death. DHMO can be an environmental hazard: it is a major component of acid rain, contributes to the "greenhouse effect", leads to the erosion of natural landscapes and hastens the corrosion of most metals. Being so prevalent (quantities are found in every stream, lake and reservoir), DHMO contamination is at epidemic proportions. Despite the dangers, DHMO is often used as an industrial solvent, as a fire retardant, in nuclear power plants and (can you believe this) in certain food products. Companies dump waste dihydrogen monoxide into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. STOP THE HORROR NOW! The American government and the United Nations have refused to ban the production, distribution or use of this chemical due to its "economic importance." The navy and certain other military organizations are highly dependent on DHMO for various purposes. Military facilities receive tons of it through a sophisticated underground distribution network. It is also stored in large quantities for military emergencies. BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE! You can help. Act *NOW* to prevent further contamination. Write your representatives. Start and sign petitions. Send e-mails. Inform your friends about the dangers. What you don't know *CAN* hurt you and every individual throughout the world.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 27:
Q: How did the political science major define free radical on his chemistry exam?
A: A wild protestor.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 28:
Q: How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?
A: Avocados number.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 29:
Q: When was the first Noble gas produced?
A: In 1164 AD, when Alfonso II, King of Aragon, ate the first burrito.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 30:
Q: Superman is a man. Batman is a man. Spiderman is a man. So why is Ironman a woman?
A: Because she is a Female.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 31:
A chemistry professor decided to conduct the most amazing lab demostration during his lecture class. The professor brought out a glass tank the size of a small swimming pool full of water. Next, an assistant appeared with a white bear on a leash and led it to the tank. The students were awestruck. The bear proceded to climb into the tank, and soon after entering the water disappeared! The professor then asked the students to explain what happened?
One student: "It is an optical illusion created by the diffraction of light."
Professor: "No, that is a physics explanation. This is a chemistry class."
Another student: "The liquid is actually an acid and 'ate' the bear."
Professor: "No, but at least your thinking 'chemisty'."
Finally, a third student responded: "I know. I know."
The other students in the class all stared at the student jumping up and down.
Professor: "So why did the bear disappear?"
The student blurted out, "It was polar."
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 32:
Q: Where does the German chemistry teacher put the used batteries of an electrolytic experiment?
A: In the zinc.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 33:
Riddle: Two chemistry students walk into a bar.
The first says, "I'll order an H2O."
The second then says, "I'll order an H2O too."
Why did the second student die?
Answer to the riddle

Chemistry Joke 34:
Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 35:
Chemistry Teacher to the Class: "What is the formula for water?"
A Student: "H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O"
Teacher: "That's not what you have been taught."
The Student: "But I thought you told us the formula for water was...H to O."
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 36:
Q: What did the chemical agent say?
A: My name is Bond, Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 37:
A chemistry teacher is recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon becomes familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything. As his unit comes under a sustained enemy attack, he is asked to urgently inform his HQ.
"NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!" he says.
"NaCl over NaOH?" shouts his officer. "What do you mean?"
"The base is under a salt!" The chemist replied.
See explanation

Chemistry Joke 38:
This is the last chemistry joke because all the good ones argon.
See explanation

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